My mom cried because of me.

IM supposed to be studying now, but I juz wanna pop a post on the blog cuz of what happened about minutes ago.

Stupid Ol' me asked my mom,
"Mom, are you ready for retirement?"
She said, still with a smile,
"No, when I grow older, I need you to take care of me."

I jokingly said,
"OMG you lazy mama, need to save up k?"

She said,
"I'll be working at macdonald's till the day I die and one day you will receive a call from Macdonalds......"
and it started going wrong..
Her eyes were going red.

I told her,
"Don't worry mom, I love you and you are doing a GREAT job as a mom.
I'll take care of you."

But as she poured away the remains of our breakfast and washed the dishes, I could tell she was about to cry...

I thought back to how she would always talk about how she didn't need me to take care of her and that she would live an independent woman, till the end.

But I saw helplessness today, she DIDN'T want me to take care of her, she wanted to be an independent, free woman, who owed no one else, but she has already come to the stage where she has no other choice.

My mom has always been an outwardly strong woman.
Usually she's just plain silly, a joker to say the least.
Sometimes she shows her deeper side and it makes me think what kind of person I will be someday...

Now I honestly don't know how I should feel, or how I feel..
I feel like this is one of the moments that you change your life and go,
"Its time to pull your socks up, there are people counting on you."
but there is a part of me, still burnt from the council episode, which taught me to know my boundaries and to achieve in moderation.....

I don't know what to think or what to do.
But what's for certain is that someone is counting on me and I can't just think about myself anymore...

END